The sociopolitics of Rihanna is pregnant out of wedlock

Ladies and Gentlemen, forgive me but this is going to be a rant

On Monday, January 31, musician and fashion guru Robyn Rihanna Fenty debut her baby bump while on a stroll with her man, rapper ASAP Rocky in Harlem, New York City.

The news was met with wide praise and some men cried because the woman of their dreams was with another man and expecting a baby fathered by him.

But as always, there are those whom nothing seems to please.  Some of these people are angry at Rihanna and ASAP’s decision to have a baby because they are unmarried. 

Here’s the thing;

Be 30 and unmarried with no kid, the response from them is ‘you are growing old, your beauty is fading and your eggs are dying’.

Be 30 with a kid/kids and unmarried, oh girl ‘you are a breathing sin, with no husband, shameful’.

Be 30, happily married with a loving, breathing husband and you’d get ‘hello ma’am where is the baby?’

Be 30, married with a kid and have a husband who cheats on you, now ma’am that is your fault. You ain’t treating that man right and bending over different styles both in and out of the bedroom to please him, what is wrong with you?

It can go on but the picture is quite clear.

Nothing! Absolutely nothing is good enough for these sect of people. So, the better option is to leave them to their own devices right? Well, usually yes but not today.

For those in the back who are still living in whatever BC, it is absolutely okay!!! Robyn Rihanna Fenty and every other women who want to have a child before marriage should have the pleasure of doing so especially when they are adults whom according to society standards fall into the ‘your eggs are dying’ bracket.

It is not fun at all to continuously put women down for the choices they make; and even when women decided to stick to those societal standards, the gatekeepers are still on their necks. Oh God!

As human beings, we go through a lot of changes; not just in our bodies but in our lives as well. Due to these, new stages of life can be freeing as well as challenging.

Thus, for some women, when 30 approaches and depending on the environment in which they find themselves, it can be one or the other or sometimes a bit of both.

For so long in our Ghanaian society, a woman’s worth has been placed on not who she is a human, her achievements and the kind of person she is but on whether she is married or not.

So before 30, she immediately receives this pressure from society to settle. “You’re approaching 30, lower your standards so a man can marry you,” or so they say. So if a woman is not strong both mentally and physically she might kowtow to this pressure. Some might be ‘lucky’ and find a man, give birth and what not but it is not always like that for others.

The fates of those ‘lucky’ ones should therefore, not be used to chastise the ‘unlucky’. 

The ‘unlucky’ have already faced these pressures even before 30. Do you think some of them don’t want a love life and a family of their own? Yes, they do! But, do those things come easily? Absolutely not! This is a stage where women need support, not beat downs. If she’s 30 and unmarried with no kid, but happy and ecstatic with her life, let her be. Let her enjoy the moment, while she walks through this journey of finding the family she wants or not—it should be her CHOICE and no one else’s.

The same society that chastise these women is the one annoyingly afraid to ask them out because of their own preconceived notions regarding their success or their way of life.

Yet they turn around to pin the blame all on women. In what world is that fair?

And when a woman who is unmarried decides she is comfortable enough to have a child but does not trust herself to be in a relationship or doesn’t even want to be in one, the angels appointed by God to guard earth and our society gather around to harmoniously sing to her how much of a devil she is—forgetting they are in no place to judge at all.

It is only in this society that unfaithful men and women who defy the sanctity and holiness of marriage are hailed because they are ‘married’ and ones that respect the union enough to stay away until they decided to enter into it are pressured or disdained.

What sort of a society is that?

Some of these women do not want what other women have and that is okay. Others want that family and as they pass 30, they are already nervous wrecks, fearing they would soon pass that time for birth, they need support. They need a hand to hold. Some of them believe they can handle parenthood on their own so they go through the steps to have children—be it adoption, artificial insemination or having sex with someone they trust. It should be okay. Why should they be bashed for not wanting their window for childbirth pass? Why should they be insulted if they feel comfortable enough to bring a child into the world? Why should they be ostracized if they have chosen not to do either of those things? Why?

There is a book titled ‘The Sex Lives of African Women’ which features different black women from across the globe sharing their stories on love, sex, abuse and choices. It is clear at least from this book that there are completely different standards that women have for themselves, they have a life they want to live without being judged, they make choices that make THEM not anybody else—but them. Some people want marriage, others don’t. A fifty something-year-old knows she does not want kids and has not regretted that decision and still won’t. Some people have been sexually and physically abused but they still chose to love, others won’t. Some women don’t want to be tied down to one person and risk losing themselves or hurting other people or getting hurt. Others just don’t want to be tied down. 

All of this is absolutely okay!!! Accept it or not you should not lord someone else’s life over others. People have anxiety, nervous breakdowns and other mental health problems when they are made to feel worthless because someone else’s standard has been used to degrade them as human beings.

If anything at all, people should know, if they are religious, that the Almighty is a forgiving God and will forgive those they claim have sinned when they turn to him, so who are you, ordinary man?

Source - Ekua Arhin