There’s something about weddings that get me all perked up. The moment I hear the word ‘wedding’, my ears are ever ready for the next info – who, where, when.

Even before the answers are given, the outfit I’d wear has already been visualised, whether it be a new one to be sewn or an old one I was holding on to, waiting for the right occasion. Even right now, I’m halfway through the plans I have for a wedding happening in November, this year.

So, I like weddings. Sue me!

There are lots of things I love about weddings.

Firstly, there is an avenue for you to see your friend, a sister, a cousin, or whoever it is tying the knot. You see their happiness fully expressed in their smiles and in their eyes, and you cannot help but be as equally happy for them.

When you know the couple a little deeper, you know it was not a walk in the park for some of them to get to that altar. So, aside from being deliriously ecstatic, every chance you get, you pray for them and their journey ahead.

I once served as a bridesmaid – making sure the bride was set, calming her nerves, sitting at the gift table and whatnot. An exhilarating feeling comes with performing such duties because no matter how small, they go a long way to ensure a wedding is without a hitch. The feeling of knowing you’re part of someone’s journey to a new life, closing your eyes now and then to pray for nothing but the best for the couple is an experience people should openly embrace.

Also, there is food, music, and lots of dancing – yes, lots and lots of it.

Haven’t seen your colleague for a while? Go to weddings, they’re all there. Meeting friends, and former classmates at a place where you all can let your hair down, inhibitions go, dance, eat and have fun while celebrating one of yours is a wonderful reunion, if you ask me.

Unfortunately, sometimes it’s hard to be exhilarated about weddings when every chance people get, they throw questions like “when is yours?”, “what are you waiting for?” and “aren’t you getting old?”.

They get to hurl these queries at me just because I love weddings.

Sometime in 2021, a taxi driver asked me if I was still in school and I answered ‘No’. His next question was pretty predictable but still saddened me.

Taxi Driver: Are you working?
Me: Yes
Taxi Driver: Are you married?
Me: No
Taxi Driver: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No

Taxi Driver: What are you waiting for? You are not growing any younger oo, be there, don’t date and see. You will grow old and nobody would want you. Girls these days, you people don’t cherish marriages and relationships. You think you have all the time in the world.

I was irked by his utterances and wanted to lash out at him but I refrained. Instead, I prayed for the car to magically fly to my destination. Thankfully, I arrived safely and immediately stepped out.

Had it been Uber or Bolt, I surely would have rated him a one star, and probably lodge a hefty complaint against him.

I simply couldn’t assimilate how a total stranger will look me in the eye and carelessly utter such words without considering how I felt, what I was going through, or at least my experiences.

To him, his statements were harmless, but on the contrary, they caused pain and made me feel helpless as the receiver of the message. It was not his business; so, he should have paddled his own canoe and not jump into mine.

After everything I have fought to be, the heights I have reached – even if not much to account for – and the dreams I still have in life, my very existence being limited to marriage is quite sad.

That is not all. It gets rather interesting when the family becomes the perpetrators of what you dread most.

Growing up, I have always seen and heard the elders give the “marriage talk”, as I call it, to the young ladies that they believed had hit their prime and were ready for marriage. So, I did not expect anything less.

Looking back on my family, I thought I would most certainly get the long end of the stick – little to no rebuke on why I am single at a certain age. But alas, that was not to be.

Perhaps the most shocking moment for me in this age, where I am berated with questions on when I will find a man, marry and (if the answer to all this is uncertainty) the ‘you are getting old’ statements, was when my mum sent me her most surprising video yet.

Well, just close your eyes and imagine;

You are fast asleep on a Saturday morning. Because of exhaustion from the week’s activities, your plan for the previous Friday was to sleep in, so getting up at 4:30 am is unexpected. But a notification from your phone manages to pierce through that exhaustion somewhere deep in your sleep.

Even though you are barely awake, you reach for your phone to unlock it and notice the message is from your mother. It puts a kick in you to be more alert if you don’t get messages from your parents at such unusual hours because surely it must be of real importance, if this woman sends a message at such a time.

You see a video when you open the chat and this raises your eyebrow. What possibly does this woman want to say that couldn’t wait till morning? One that warranted a video at that.

Nonetheless, you download and in the first second you see someone say “This is the BEST prayer to help you get married.”

Eeeei!! This woman!!! I don’t know your reaction, but mine was just to laugh out of shock.

I could not help myself. Here, I was thinking this woman was letting me be but she had other plans.

That’s when I realised I had arrived! I had arrived at the age where sometimes unsavoury questions and comments about my age and marital status would not just be a passerby in my life.

I am sure women of marrying age, I should say, get all the talks from their parents, neighbours, friends and whatnot. But have any of them sent you a video because of that? If not, thank your stars, my sister and pray that it stays that way.

Let me say this, I am not anti-marriage. Far from it, I am pro-marriage but until I am married, regardless of how long it takes, I don’t think I should be bombarded with statements and questions covertly criticising and shaming me for being single.

I don’t deserve it and neither does any single woman finding her place on this earth. Let me reemphasise again. A woman’s worth is not derived from her partner. She is worthy on her own. However, continuously being a successful person is dependent on one’s partner. So, why rush to go for one that would ruin you instead of building you?

Good things come to those who wait.

I will continue to enjoy weddings and tune out all the ‘when is yours’ questions though. Because it kills my vibe.

So, while I am attending all these and working so hard for myself, I will use my left eye to search for a good man to be my life partner. I agree “man no be firewood.” I am still pro-marriage.

But until then, ‘abeg’ let’s get dressed and get our butts to a wedding!!! Crash one if you’re bored at home on a weekend.

And until we marry and even after, we will still go to all the weddings we have to, because what’s life without a little celebration?

Source - Nasiba Yakubu